// // AN EXCERSIZE IN BAD DIALPLAN DESIGN // (What better testing ground than on telemarketers?) // // BAD DESIGN: long, boring introductions followed by long, drawn out menus of choices. // if they survive to the last option, how will they remember the choices? // // BAD DESIGN: Amateur Recording. Poor voice quality, too quiet. // Also, the announcer is definitely not vocally gifted. // Also, the long pauses and clicks between the intro // and menu choices might lead some to think that // the announcements are over, and hang up. Too bad! // WORSE DESIGN: Instead of using the Background application, the Playback // application is used. After taking so much time and trouble // to record this material, the caller must listen and enjoy // every syllable before they can make an option choice. None // of that interrupting with a choice. We want them to savour // every word! // GOOD/BAD, ER INSIDIOUS -- DANGLE A CARROT-- GIVE THE LISTENER A GOOD REASON TO // HANG ON AND VOLUNTARILY LISTEN TO THE TORTURE. // BUT, DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU WON'T KEEP! context telemarket { s => { begin: Playback(telemarketer-intro); // ; Script: // Due to the extremely high volume of calls from everything from telemarketers // to Septic System Bacteria vendors, we are asking all such organizations // to remove this number from their call list, or as need be, to add this // number to their No-Call list, whichever is relevent. // [THE CARROT:] // We HAVE made some exceptions, and if you wish to see if your organization // has been exempted, please listen to and follow the following prompts. // // Otherwise, please Cease calling this number! // Playback(telemarketer-choices); // if you represent a charitable organization, please dial 1, // if you represent a political organization, please dial 2. // if you represent a polling company, please dial 3, // if you represent a market research organization, please dial 4. // if you represent a magazine or newsletter, please dial 5. // if you represent a commercial organization, please dial 6. } 1 => goto telemarket-charity|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-political|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-pollster|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-research|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-magazine|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-commercial|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-other|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-charity { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-charity-intro); // We have contributed generously to many worthy causes in the past, and will // continue to do so in the future. But we suspect that such organizatons // have sold our name and phone number to each other until we are now hounded // day and night by literally hundreds of such organizations. // Enough is Enough! // // If we have contributed to your cause in the past, we may, perhaps, be disposed to // do so in the future, at our option, // we give no pledges nor make any commitments here. // Send us material via the post if you feel this necessary // but do not even consider email. Any email or further phone calls from your organization // in the future, will be considered an act of aggression, and we will // blacklist your organization for the rest of our natural lives. // // To see if your organization is exempt from these prohibitions, please // comply with the following options. Playback(telemark-charity-choices); // If your organization is disease or genetic defect related, dial 1, // If your organization is handicap related, dial 2. // If your organization is a police or fireman or other similar support entity, please dial 3. // If your organization is a grade school to high school related // fund raiser or other type of activity, please dial 4. // If your organization is a college or univerity or alumnis organization, please dial 5. // If your organization is animal rights or ecology related organization, please dial 6. // If your organization is a political action or candidate support related, please dial 7. // If your organization is a substance abuse related organization or cause, please dial 8. // And any other charity or tax exempt organization should dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-char-disease|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-char-handicap|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-char-police|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-char-school|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-char-college|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-char-animal|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-char-candidate|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-char-abuse|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-char-other|s|begin; // BAD DESIGN: referring all timeouts,invalid choices, etc, back to the root of the menu tree will frustrate users no end! // WORSE DESIGN: How about having the user have to push a button to repeat the current menu? When a time out could just // automatically do it for the user? t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-char-disease { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-handicap { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-police { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-school { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-college { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-animal { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-candidate { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-abuse { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-char-other { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-sorry { s => { begin: Playback(telemarket-sorry); // Sorry -- your organization is not exempt. Please stop calling us. // Thank you. goodbye. Hangup(); } } // BAD DESIGN: Hanging up on your audience, no matter what the outcome, is not a nice thing to do! context telemarket-exception { s => { begin: Playback(telemarket-success); // Congratulations. Your organization IS exempt. Please call us back, // but this time, just act like a normal caller. Thank you. Goodbye. Hangup(); } } // BAD DESIGN: Making long cascading menu choices is a nasty thing to do to callers! // BAD DESIGN: Putting the most frequently encountered items at the end of a list is also a nasty thing to do! // GOOD DESIGN: All rejection notices use a single context. All Acceptance also. To change a rejection to an // acceptance, just change the reference from telemarket-sorry to telemarket-exception context telemarket-political { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-polit-intro); // To see if your organization is exempt from our prohibitions, // please follow the following prompts. // please note that they are not in alphabetical order, and you will have to // give them your full attention. Playback(telemark-polit-choices); // if You represent the America First Party, dial 1. // if You represent the American Party, dial 2. // if You represent the American Heritage Party, dial 3. // if You represent the American Independent Party, dial 4. // if You represent the American Nazi Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Pot Party, dial 6. // if You represent the American Reform Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Christian Falenqist Party of America, dial 8. // all others, please dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Am1st|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-American|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-AmHer|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-AmInd|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-AmNaz|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Pot|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-AmRef|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-CFP|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political2|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-political2 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); // Thank you for your patience, and I congratulate you for your persistence. // Just a few more options! // Playback(telemark-polit2-choices); // if You represent the Communist Party USA, dial 1. // if You represent the Constitution Party, dial 2. // if You represent the Family Values Party, dial 3. // if You represent the Freedom Socialist Party, dial 4. // if You represent the Grass Roots Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Green Party, dial 6. // if You represent the Greens Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Independence Party, dial 8. // all others, goto 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Communist|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Constit|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-FamVal|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-FreedSoc|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-Grassroot|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Green|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-Greens|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-Independence|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political3|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-political3 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); Playback(telemark-polit3-choices); // if You represent the Independant American Party, dial 1. // if You represent the Labor Party, dial 2. // if You represent the Libertarian Party, dial 3. // if You represent the Light Party, dial 4. // if You represent the Natural Law Party, dial 5. // if You represent the New Party, dial 6. // if You represent the New Union Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Peace and Freedom Party, dial 8. // all others, hang on, dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-IndAm|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Labor|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-Liber|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-Light|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-NatLaw|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-New|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-NewUn|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-PeaceFree|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political4|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-political4 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); Playback(telemark-polit4-choices); // if You represent the Prohibition Party, dial 1. // if You represent the Reform Party, dial 2. // if You represent the Revolution , dial 3. // if You represent the Socialist Party USA, dial 4. // if You represent the Socialist Action Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Socialist Equality Party, dial 6. // if You represent the Socialist Labor Party, dial 7. // if You represent the Socialist Workers Party, dial 8. // all others, hang on, and dial 9. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Prohib|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Ref|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-Revol|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-SocPart|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-SocAct|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-SocEq|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-SocLab|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-SocWork|s|begin; 9 => goto telemarket-political5|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-political5 { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-politx-intro); Playback(telemark-polit5-choices); // if You represent the Southern Party, dial 1. // if You represent the Southern Independence Party, dial 2. // if You represent the US Pacifist Party, dial 3. // if You represent the We the People Party, dial 4. // if You represent the Workers World Party, dial 5. // if You represent the Democratic Party, dial 6. // if You represent the Republican Party, dial 7. // all others, may dial 8. } 1 => goto telemarket-poli-South|s|begin; 2 => goto telemarket-poli-SoInd|s|begin; 3 => goto telemarket-poli-USPac|s|begin; 4 => goto telemarket-poli-WTP|s|begin; 5 => goto telemarket-poli-WWP|s|begin; 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Democrat|s|begin; 7 => goto telemarket-poli-Repub|s|begin; 8 => goto telemarket-poli-other|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-poli-other { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Repub { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Democrat { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-WWP { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-WTP { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-USPac { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-SoInd { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-South { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-SocWork { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-SocLab { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-SocEq { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-SocAct { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-SocPart { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Revol { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Ref { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Prohib { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-PeaceFree { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-NewUn { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-New { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-NatLaw { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Light { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Liber { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Labor { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-IndAm { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Independence { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Greens { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Green { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Grassroot { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-FreedSoc { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-FamVal { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Constit { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Communist { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-CFP { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-AmRef { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } // BAD DESIGN: Putting in infinite loops in the menus, whether by design or mistake is not nice! context telemarket-poli-Pot { s => { begin: goto telemarket-political|s|begin; // will the Pot Party Guys even notice an infinite loop? } } context telemarket-poli-AmNaz { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-AmInd { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-AmHer { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-American { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-poli-Am1st { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } context telemarket-pollster { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-poll-intro); // I'm sorry-- We are just not available for doing any polling at the moment. So, // please remove us from your list. goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-research { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-research-intro); // I'd like to say I'd love to help you with your market survey, but that would be a complete // and total lie. I am not interested in helping you with Market Surveys. // // Please remove me from your call list. It just doesn't pay enough. But Thank you. goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-magazine { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-mag-choices); // If you are calling to see if I would like a NEW free subscription // to your magazine or newsletter, please dial 1. // If you are calling to see if I want to Renew an existing subscription, please dial 2. // If you are representing some publisher, and want my opinion about something, or are doing // some kind of survey, please dial 3. // If you are calling to verify that some previous caller actually called me, and the // verification information is correct, please dial 4. // and if your call purpose doesn't match any of the above, please dial 5. } 1 => goto telemark-mag-new|s|begin; 2 => goto telemark-mag-renew|s|begin; 3 => goto telemark-mag-survey|s|begin; 4 => goto telemark-mag-verify|s|begin; 5 => goto telemark-mag-other|s|begin; t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemark-mag-new { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-mag-new); // I'm sorry, I'm maxed out, and the answer is NO. // If you really think I'd LOVE to add your publication to the pile I already get, // Send something via the post. Don't call me. // Thank you. bye. Hangup(); } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemark-mag-renew { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-mag-renew); // So, you want to see if I want to Renew, do you? The answer is most likely "YES". // // But, I will not answer a long list of questions over the phone. Send such // categorization info via the post, and stop bothering me over the phone, // if this is what you want. // Do you need verification information? Normally I opt out of such nonsense, if possible. // If not, use whatever of the following you can: // My birth month is October. // My birthplace is Kigali, in Rwanda, in Afica. // My eye color is orange. // All of these are wonderfully false, but I use them regularly for such purposes. Thank you. Hangup(); } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemark-mag-survey { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-mag-survey); // Sorry, I don't have time to answer survey or opinion questions. Find someone // else to help build your marketing database, I guess. Good Luck. Hangup(); } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemark-mag-verify { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-mag-verify); // If you are calling to verify that your own agents aren't ripping you off, // sorry, I can't help you. I opt out whenever I can, mainly because I'm not // paid enough for this kind of thing. I always lie, and I can't remember // what I might have said. Sorry. Goodbye. Hangup(); } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemark-mag-other { s => { begin: goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } } // BAD DESIGN: Is it entrapment, when you lure telemarketers to reveal their contact information, // Just so you can report them to the FTC/FCC? If it is, isn't it unethical for them // to hide their CID (via Anonymous, usually), to hide their identities from the public? // BTW -- What telemarketer would be stupid enough to fall for this? I'll bet not a single one! // For that matter, what telemarketer will be stupid enough to even enter any of this? I'll bet not a single one! // (but it was fun messing around). context telemarket-commercial { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-comm-intro); // Script: Please leave your name, organization, and phone number, plus // a short description of the purpose of your call, at the prompt. // We will do our best to respond to your call! And, in the mean time, // do not forget to add us to your no-call list! Voicemail(u82); goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin; } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; } context telemarket-other { s => { begin: Playback(telemark-other-intro); // Please review the previous menu options, and see if you really don't // fit in one of the previous categories. // If you do not, go ahead, and call me again, and let me know what category // I should have included in the above list. I appreciate this. Thank you much! Hangup(); } t => goto telemarket|s|begin; i => goto telemarket|s|begin; o => goto telemarket|s|begin; }