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-//
-// AN EXCERSIZE IN BAD DIALPLAN DESIGN
-// (What better testing ground than on telemarketers?)
-//
-
-
-// BAD DESIGN: long, boring introductions followed by long, drawn out menus of choices.
-// if they survive to the last option, how will they remember the choices?
-//
-
-// BAD DESIGN: Amateur Recording. Poor voice quality, too quiet.
-// Also, the announcer is definitely not vocally gifted.
-// Also, the long pauses and clicks between the intro
-// and menu choices might lead some to think that
-// the announcements are over, and hang up. Too bad!
-
-// WORSE DESIGN: Instead of using the Background application, the Playback
-// application is used. After taking so much time and trouble
-// to record this material, the caller must listen and enjoy
-// every syllable before they can make an option choice. None
-// of that interrupting with a choice. We want them to savour
-// every word!
-
-// GOOD/BAD, ER INSIDIOUS -- DANGLE A CARROT-- GIVE THE LISTENER A GOOD REASON TO
-// HANG ON AND VOLUNTARILY LISTEN TO THE TORTURE.
-// BUT, DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU WON'T KEEP!
-
-
-context telemarket {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemarketer-intro); // ; Script:
- // Due to the extremely high volume of calls from everything from telemarketers
- // to Septic System Bacteria vendors, we are asking all such organizations
- // to remove this number from their call list, or as need be, to add this
- // number to their No-Call list, whichever is relevent.
-
- // [THE CARROT:]
- // We HAVE made some exceptions, and if you wish to see if your organization
- // has been exempted, please listen to and follow the following prompts.
- //
- // Otherwise, please Cease calling this number!
- //
- Playback(telemarketer-choices);
- // if you represent a charitable organization, please dial 1,
- // if you represent a political organization, please dial 2.
- // if you represent a polling company, please dial 3,
- // if you represent a market research organization, please dial 4.
- // if you represent a magazine or newsletter, please dial 5.
- // if you represent a commercial organization, please dial 6.
- }
- 1 => goto telemarket-charity|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemarket-political|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemarket-pollster|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemarket-research|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemarket-magazine|s|begin;
- 6 => goto telemarket-commercial|s|begin;
- 7 => goto telemarket-other|s|begin;
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-context telemarket-charity {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-charity-intro);
- // We have contributed generously to many worthy causes in the past, and will
- // continue to do so in the future. But we suspect that such organizatons
- // have sold our name and phone number to each other until we are now hounded
- // day and night by literally hundreds of such organizations.
- // Enough is Enough!
- //
- // If we have contributed to your cause in the past, we may, perhaps, be disposed to
- // do so in the future, at our option,
- // we give no pledges nor make any commitments here.
- // Send us material via the post if you feel this necessary
- // but do not even consider email. Any email or further phone calls from your organization
- // in the future, will be considered an act of aggression, and we will
- // blacklist your organization for the rest of our natural lives.
- //
- // To see if your organization is exempt from these prohibitions, please
- // comply with the following options.
- Playback(telemark-charity-choices);
- // If your organization is disease or genetic defect related, dial 1,
- // If your organization is handicap related, dial 2.
- // If your organization is a police or fireman or other similar support entity, please dial 3.
- // If your organization is a grade school to high school related
- // fund raiser or other type of activity, please dial 4.
- // If your organization is a college or univerity or alumnis organization, please dial 5.
- // If your organization is animal rights or ecology related organization, please dial 6.
- // If your organization is a political action or candidate support related, please dial 7.
- // If your organization is a substance abuse related organization or cause, please dial 8.
- // And any other charity or tax exempt organization should dial 9.
- }
- 1 => goto telemarket-char-disease|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemarket-char-handicap|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemarket-char-police|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemarket-char-school|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemarket-char-college|s|begin;
- 6 => goto telemarket-char-animal|s|begin;
- 7 => goto telemarket-char-candidate|s|begin;
- 8 => goto telemarket-char-abuse|s|begin;
- 9 => goto telemarket-char-other|s|begin;
-// BAD DESIGN: referring all timeouts,invalid choices, etc, back to the root of the menu tree will frustrate users no end!
-// WORSE DESIGN: How about having the user have to push a button to repeat the current menu? When a time out could just
-// automatically do it for the user?
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-disease {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-handicap {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-police {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-school {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-college {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-animal {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-candidate {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-abuse {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-char-other {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-sorry {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemarket-sorry);
- // Sorry -- your organization is not exempt. Please stop calling us.
- // Thank you. goodbye.
- Hangup();
- }
-}
-
-
-// BAD DESIGN: Hanging up on your audience, no matter what the outcome, is not a nice thing to do!
-
-context telemarket-exception {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemarket-success);
- // Congratulations. Your organization IS exempt. Please call us back,
- // but this time, just act like a normal caller. Thank you. Goodbye.
- Hangup();
- }
-}
-
-
-// BAD DESIGN: Making long cascading menu choices is a nasty thing to do to callers!
-// BAD DESIGN: Putting the most frequently encountered items at the end of a list is also a nasty thing to do!
-
-
-// GOOD DESIGN: All rejection notices use a single context. All Acceptance also. To change a rejection to an
-// acceptance, just change the reference from telemarket-sorry to telemarket-exception
-
-
-context telemarket-political {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-polit-intro);
- // To see if your organization is exempt from our prohibitions,
- // please follow the following prompts.
- // please note that they are not in alphabetical order, and you will have to
- // give them your full attention.
- Playback(telemark-polit-choices);
- // if You represent the America First Party, dial 1.
- // if You represent the American Party, dial 2.
- // if You represent the American Heritage Party, dial 3.
- // if You represent the American Independent Party, dial 4.
- // if You represent the American Nazi Party, dial 5.
- // if You represent the Pot Party, dial 6.
- // if You represent the American Reform Party, dial 7.
- // if You represent the Christian Falenqist Party of America, dial 8.
- // all others, please dial 9.
- }
- 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Am1st|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemarket-poli-American|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemarket-poli-AmHer|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemarket-poli-AmInd|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemarket-poli-AmNaz|s|begin;
- 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Pot|s|begin;
- 7 => goto telemarket-poli-AmRef|s|begin;
- 8 => goto telemarket-poli-CFP|s|begin;
- 9 => goto telemarket-political2|s|begin;
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-context telemarket-political2 {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
- // Thank you for your patience, and I congratulate you for your persistence.
- // Just a few more options!
- //
- Playback(telemark-polit2-choices);
- // if You represent the Communist Party USA, dial 1.
- // if You represent the Constitution Party, dial 2.
- // if You represent the Family Values Party, dial 3.
- // if You represent the Freedom Socialist Party, dial 4.
- // if You represent the Grass Roots Party, dial 5.
- // if You represent the Green Party, dial 6.
- // if You represent the Greens Party, dial 7.
- // if You represent the Independence Party, dial 8.
- // all others, goto 9.
- }
- 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Communist|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Constit|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemarket-poli-FamVal|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemarket-poli-FreedSoc|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemarket-poli-Grassroot|s|begin;
- 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Green|s|begin;
- 7 => goto telemarket-poli-Greens|s|begin;
- 8 => goto telemarket-poli-Independence|s|begin;
- 9 => goto telemarket-political3|s|begin;
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-context telemarket-political3 {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
- Playback(telemark-polit3-choices);
- // if You represent the Independant American Party, dial 1.
- // if You represent the Labor Party, dial 2.
- // if You represent the Libertarian Party, dial 3.
- // if You represent the Light Party, dial 4.
- // if You represent the Natural Law Party, dial 5.
- // if You represent the New Party, dial 6.
- // if You represent the New Union Party, dial 7.
- // if You represent the Peace and Freedom Party, dial 8.
- // all others, hang on, dial 9.
- }
- 1 => goto telemarket-poli-IndAm|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Labor|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemarket-poli-Liber|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemarket-poli-Light|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemarket-poli-NatLaw|s|begin;
- 6 => goto telemarket-poli-New|s|begin;
- 7 => goto telemarket-poli-NewUn|s|begin;
- 8 => goto telemarket-poli-PeaceFree|s|begin;
- 9 => goto telemarket-political4|s|begin;
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemarket-political4 {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
- Playback(telemark-polit4-choices);
- // if You represent the Prohibition Party, dial 1.
- // if You represent the Reform Party, dial 2.
- // if You represent the Revolution , dial 3.
- // if You represent the Socialist Party USA, dial 4.
- // if You represent the Socialist Action Party, dial 5.
- // if You represent the Socialist Equality Party, dial 6.
- // if You represent the Socialist Labor Party, dial 7.
- // if You represent the Socialist Workers Party, dial 8.
- // all others, hang on, and dial 9.
- }
- 1 => goto telemarket-poli-Prohib|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemarket-poli-Ref|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemarket-poli-Revol|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemarket-poli-SocPart|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemarket-poli-SocAct|s|begin;
- 6 => goto telemarket-poli-SocEq|s|begin;
- 7 => goto telemarket-poli-SocLab|s|begin;
- 8 => goto telemarket-poli-SocWork|s|begin;
- 9 => goto telemarket-political5|s|begin;
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemarket-political5 {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
- Playback(telemark-polit5-choices);
- // if You represent the Southern Party, dial 1.
- // if You represent the Southern Independence Party, dial 2.
- // if You represent the US Pacifist Party, dial 3.
- // if You represent the We the People Party, dial 4.
- // if You represent the Workers World Party, dial 5.
- // if You represent the Democratic Party, dial 6.
- // if You represent the Republican Party, dial 7.
- // all others, may dial 8.
- }
- 1 => goto telemarket-poli-South|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemarket-poli-SoInd|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemarket-poli-USPac|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemarket-poli-WTP|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemarket-poli-WWP|s|begin;
- 6 => goto telemarket-poli-Democrat|s|begin;
- 7 => goto telemarket-poli-Repub|s|begin;
- 8 => goto telemarket-poli-other|s|begin;
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemarket-poli-other {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Repub {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Democrat {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-WWP {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-WTP {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-USPac {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-SoInd {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-South {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-SocWork {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-SocLab {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-SocEq {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-SocAct {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-SocPart {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Revol {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Ref {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Prohib {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-PeaceFree {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-NewUn {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-New {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-NatLaw {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Light {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Liber {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Labor {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-IndAm {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Independence {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Greens {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Green {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Grassroot {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-FreedSoc {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-FamVal {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Constit {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Communist {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-CFP {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-AmRef {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-// BAD DESIGN: Putting in infinite loops in the menus, whether by design or mistake is not nice!
-context telemarket-poli-Pot {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-political|s|begin; // will the Pot Party Guys even notice an infinite loop?
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-AmNaz {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-AmInd {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-AmHer {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-American {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-context telemarket-poli-Am1st {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-
-context telemarket-pollster {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-poll-intro);
- // I'm sorry-- We are just not available for doing any polling at the moment. So,
- // please remove us from your list.
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemarket-research {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-research-intro);
- // I'd like to say I'd love to help you with your market survey, but that would be a complete
- // and total lie. I am not interested in helping you with Market Surveys.
- //
- // Please remove me from your call list. It just doesn't pay enough. But Thank you.
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemarket-magazine {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-mag-choices);
- // If you are calling to see if I would like a NEW free subscription
- // to your magazine or newsletter, please dial 1.
- // If you are calling to see if I want to Renew an existing subscription, please dial 2.
- // If you are representing some publisher, and want my opinion about something, or are doing
- // some kind of survey, please dial 3.
- // If you are calling to verify that some previous caller actually called me, and the
- // verification information is correct, please dial 4.
- // and if your call purpose doesn't match any of the above, please dial 5.
- }
- 1 => goto telemark-mag-new|s|begin;
- 2 => goto telemark-mag-renew|s|begin;
- 3 => goto telemark-mag-survey|s|begin;
- 4 => goto telemark-mag-verify|s|begin;
- 5 => goto telemark-mag-other|s|begin;
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemark-mag-new {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-mag-new);
- // I'm sorry, I'm maxed out, and the answer is NO.
- // If you really think I'd LOVE to add your publication to the pile I already get,
- // Send something via the post. Don't call me.
- // Thank you. bye.
- Hangup();
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemark-mag-renew {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-mag-renew);
- // So, you want to see if I want to Renew, do you? The answer is most likely "YES".
- //
- // But, I will not answer a long list of questions over the phone. Send such
- // categorization info via the post, and stop bothering me over the phone,
- // if this is what you want.
- // Do you need verification information? Normally I opt out of such nonsense, if possible.
- // If not, use whatever of the following you can:
- // My birth month is October.
- // My birthplace is Kigali, in Rwanda, in Afica.
- // My eye color is orange.
- // All of these are wonderfully false, but I use them regularly for such purposes. Thank you.
- Hangup();
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemark-mag-survey {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-mag-survey);
- // Sorry, I don't have time to answer survey or opinion questions. Find someone
- // else to help build your marketing database, I guess. Good Luck.
- Hangup();
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemark-mag-verify {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-mag-verify);
- // If you are calling to verify that your own agents aren't ripping you off,
- // sorry, I can't help you. I opt out whenever I can, mainly because I'm not
- // paid enough for this kind of thing. I always lie, and I can't remember
- // what I might have said. Sorry. Goodbye.
- Hangup();
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemark-mag-other {
- s => {
- begin:
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
-}
-
-
-
-// BAD DESIGN: Is it entrapment, when you lure telemarketers to reveal their contact information,
-// Just so you can report them to the FTC/FCC? If it is, isn't it unethical for them
-// to hide their CID (via Anonymous, usually), to hide their identities from the public?
-
-// BTW -- What telemarketer would be stupid enough to fall for this? I'll bet not a single one!
-// For that matter, what telemarketer will be stupid enough to even enter any of this? I'll bet not a single one!
-// (but it was fun messing around).
-
-context telemarket-commercial {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-comm-intro); // Script: Please leave your name, organization, and phone number, plus
- // a short description of the purpose of your call, at the prompt.
- // We will do our best to respond to your call! And, in the mean time,
- // do not forget to add us to your no-call list!
- Voicemail(u82);
- goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}
-
-
-context telemarket-other {
- s => {
- begin:
- Playback(telemark-other-intro);
- // Please review the previous menu options, and see if you really don't
- // fit in one of the previous categories.
- // If you do not, go ahead, and call me again, and let me know what category
- // I should have included in the above list. I appreciate this. Thank you much!
- Hangup();
- }
- t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
- o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
-}